The Search for the Perfect Diet Food... or Not

Was watching a weird show while doing little things around the house this morning and stumbled across an interesting TV show on OWN...

My Strange Addiction is about some seriously unusual people.
The guy having a relationship with his car? Oh he is positively normal when compared to the guy with a life-size doll for a wife or the guy who eats glass.

Hold Up... I wonder what the Saturated fat and calorie count for glass is?

Does green glass taste different from blue or pink or yellow glass?
Does smokey glass actually have a smokey flavor?

Maybe this guy has stumbled upon a way to fill up without filling out?
I mean if you have a stomach full of glass I am pretty sure your digestive system is going to be too busy for you to feel hungry for food.

I wonder what kind of damage that does to your teeth... your dentist would love you for sure.

And so would the GI doc.
Can you imagine what glass shards in your esophagus and stomach would do to your insides?
Oh, but wait! There's more.
Mr. Glass-eater dude eats bullets too?
Never mind- I don't care how low the calories and fat content of glass are...
perforated intestines, infection and almost certain death are not worth it.

I mean, if I'm going to do something life threatening on purpose it's definitely going to have to be something that is a whole lot more fun... or tasty...
Like eating the world's largest Boston Cream donut.

I guess my quest for the perfect diet food does not stop at glass...
but will continue... with me reading the labels on everything before I eat it...
and searching The Food Network and The Cooking Channel for yummy low-fat recipes as I struggle to get to my weight loss goal...

or at least the next mini-goal... to weigh less than 200 pounds...
Which at 203 is within my grasp any day now!

That Has How Many Grams of Saturated Fat???

Would you believe that a cinnamon muffin has 9 grams of saturated fat?
And that isn't even all the fat ...
Yes, it has unsaturated fat too!

And that bowl of mac and cheese?
Would you believe it has 6 grams of saturated fat...
and I don't even think the cheese is real...
I mean what kind of cow do you get powdered cheese from anyway?

As you may have guessed by now I have been reading the food labels.
I will admit to not knowing what a lot of that crap is...
but I am reading them and have chosen a few things to really start paying attention to...

Things like the saturated fat content.
The carbohydrate content.
and the sugar content.

Saturated fat is the biggie since that is the one that I can say directly affects whether or not I will be able to leave the house at anytime, ever...

The carbs and the sugar...
well I have been watching them because they too are fat.
They just go by another name, like an alias.

"Would not carbs and sugar by any other name still leave you with love handles and cellulite"
That is the real question...
And the answer is, " Why, yes, yes they would!"

Because they are what is called ... 
...dun dun dun.. 
HIDDEN FAT


All those foods like licorice and chocolate syrup and fat-free cookies....
They are NOT fat free because they have exorbitant amounts of carbs or sugar or, in all the tasty treats at least, both.
And what happens to those carbs and sugar if you eat them and then proceed to NOT run on the treadmill for an hour or roller blade around the block 20 times...hmmmm?

All those carbs and sugars have to go somewhere and since they are supposed to be converted into simple forms for use as energy but the energy doesn't get used or there is too much to possibly have a need for...

It, like any excess energy, gets stored, like the extra energy being produced by the acreage of solar panels on the house around the corner...
 there is more square footage of solar panels on that roof than there is in the whole dang house... and only like 3 people live there and I mean really, how much energy could they possibly use to warrant all that solar panel space... you know they have got to be supplementing their income with the extra energy they are selling back to the power grid...
But I digress... but only because I have solar panel envy....and I really wish I could get rid of that GINORMOUS electric bill every month... and having the power company pay me sounds like a dream come true...
As I was saying, the excess energy-making-carbs and sugar are converted into a simple form for storage and that form is...
No, not solar energy, but wouldn't that be nice?
It is FAT...
That's right.
Carbs and Sugar are indeed just another name for FAT.

The fat is disguised as carbs and sugar and unfortunately when they lose their disguise they come out as cellulite and love handles and a jiggly butt... and not the good kind of Baby Got Back ...
If ya know what I mean...

So, the lesson learned this week is to:
1) read the labels on the food;
and 2) watch out for those undercover sabotage agents...
Formerly known as Carbohydrates and Sugar...

Because, yes, they ARE out to get you...
or at least the rear-end part of you.

Taaaa Daaaa !

Yesterday was Super Monday...

I know, like it's a real day or something, right?

Anyway, I should say that according to the sales people in the commercials on TV...

Yesterday was Super Monday...

As in the Monday after The Super Bowl...

Not because it was just a really, really great Monday.

But...

Actually...

It was! 

As you may, or may not have known, or cared to know, or even care not to know if you care or not...

I have been struggling to lose weight for some time, a few years, a little while now.

I also have had a few, some, a couple of health issues that have made it a bit more challenging to lose the extra tonnage I seem to have accumulated.

My most recent problem was the Gall Bladder thing.

It has been 6 weeks and I can now eat normal food...

and by normal I mean low-fat, low-sugar, low-flavor, low-chocolate, low-dairy, low-meat types of food...

some of it can even be in non-soup form...

without making me sick to my stomach or have to run to the bathroom in a giant hurry without warning.

Do not even ask about the Country Buffet fiasco!

So, this weekend being the Super Bowl weekend and having plans to attend a Super Bowl Party...

I was prepared to have to sit back and watch everyone else eating all the yummy food while I nibbled on a piece of Melba toast (or some other equally tasty tidbit).

Imagine my surprise, and delight, when HeMan Hubby asked me to go to dinner with him and a co-worker at another co-worker's home to celebrate the start of new jobs for him and the co-worker whose home is was not... because they both got let go from the Government contract they worked on with the person whose home it was and now they won't see each other all the time anymore... but it's a good thing, not the they won't see each other any more all the time part, but that they got new, and much better, jobs which is why they were celebrating...

And then HeMan Hubby informed me HE was doing the cooking.

His (in)Famous Chicken Cacciatore ... one of the 4 dishes that he can cook.

So, I gathered the ingredients needed and put them in a bag, told him to grab a bottle of wine and off we went.

He made the meal. 

We drank the wine ( I mean the person whose house it was and I... the guys had some... I think)

There were hors d'oeuvres - bacon wrapped scallops... and spicy nuts ( of the cashew and almond varieties)

and more wine... a lovely Seghesio Zinfadel... and something from 1996 and one from 2008 ...

Anyway...

I was starving so I ate a scallop... and the bacon it was wrapped in... and another, and another and... 

I had about 8 ...

And then dinner was ready.

Chicken Cacciatore, heavy on the garlic and onions... 

on a bed of arborio rice...

served with fresh steamed asparagus...

and more wine...

I had a little bit of chicken and rice and asparagus...

I had a lot, little bit of wine...

And then there was dessert! 

A delicious apple cobbler made by the hostess...

served with a dollop of vanilla ice cream...

I had a little apple cobbler and ice cream...

a lot, little bit of wine...

And then it was time to go home.

And I made it...

all the way home without getting sick... 

all the way to my bedroom and into my PJ's and onto the couch to watch a little TV before bed... 

before my tummy felt icky.

It was a record breaking evening!

I ate real food... 

And I did not get sick... well, at least not immediately... 

It was wonderful! 

It was terrific!

It made me want to go out and eat other things to see if I really could eat REAL food again...

And then it was Super Bowl Sunday.

And I went to a party.

Filled with good food, yummy food, deliciously wonderful food.

I ate a small bowl of chocolate chili... yes it really does have chocolate in it... and it is yummy.

So yummy in fact that I ate another small bowl of it.

And ham and swiss on a yeast roll with spicy brown mustard.

And 2 German Chocolate cookies.

And a piece of applesauce cake... or 2.

And I drank about 2 liters of diet soda and water.

And I made it all the way home and into my PJ's where I was relaxing in my very own room before my tummy rebelled... but then, I knew that it would... 

And then this morning... just as I was feeling icky and sluggish and bloated and just really not too good at all...

I stepped on the scale and...

TAAAA DAAAA!!!

I weighed in at 203.5 lbs...

Despite eating all the stuff that I really should not have eaten and feeling like I was retaining enough water to fill an ocean and really not feeling very good in general...

I did not gain any weight... not even an ounce! 

I also did not lose anything... 

But then again... maybe I did and all the bloating and feeling really yucky was hiding the loss...

But still... I did not gain anything and I ate real food!

Don't get me wrong... I was back to soup and crystal light today... 
and my seriously stomach thanks me...

but I feel like maybe, just maybe, there is a light at the end of the soup and other 'light' foods diet plan... 

that perhaps there is a chance that someday I will be able to eat a hot dog or a plate of lasgna or an ice cream cone or slice of cheesecake... 

But for now... 

that sliver of hope...

that tiny glimpse of a dream come true...

that TAAA DAAAA! moment I had this morning...

Is enough to get me through... 

a few more weeks at the very least.

I think.

I hope.

I can do this...

Yeah.

 I.

Can. 

Do. 

This.