Putting on pants is an everyday occurrence. Or at least it should be.
For some of us this is easier said than done many days.
Today I put on a pair of shorts that I thought would fit well.
Apparently I was wrong.
Oh, they did fit...
once I laid on the bed and held my breath that is.
I have been making such strides in my journey to a thinner me...
or so I had thought.
It seems that I have gained back the 5 pounds lost last week.
Maybe if I just drink a gallon of water every day and stop eating all together I will lose it for good?
But then, that is not a realistic weight loss plan now is it?
So, instead I will drink my 100 ounces of water every day.
I will eat fresh fruits everyday. I have strawberries and blueberries this week- Woo Hoo!
I will keep my portions small.
I will not snack late at night.
I will not eat junk food... much... okay at all.
I have decided that I will not renew my Sensa plan once I finish with June's supply. In the 5 months I have been using it I have lost about 8 forever pounds and another 3-5 that flucuate weekly so...
For me I do not beleive the Sensa is working anymore. It was great at first, but after the 3rd month there has not been much in the permanent results department.
I admit, I do not sprinkle everything I eat, but I only miss a meal or 2 a week so that really should not make a difference in the grand scheme of things.
I am more active and am making the very conscious effort to remember that :
1- I do not live to eat and
2- I eat to live and
3- my goal is to lose 10 pounds... and then 10 pounds... and then 10 pounds... until I have achieved my ultimate goal...
These are the things that I will do to stay on track. I have 10 pounds to lose. When I lose those 10 pounds I will be under 200. That is the only goal I have at the moment. To weigh less than 200 pounds.
I was there 5 years ago. I was there for 3 years. I can be there again...
Until I get there I will continue to Color Me Thin with a giant ORANGE crayon and imagine that THAT is what I look like to everyone else...
Not just to myself in my dreams.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Click here for the soundtrack of my life
I let excuses get in my way.
Full culpability here.
I am responsible for my actions, or inactions as it were.
I am why I cannot get below 208 pounds.
I was there last week.
I was there in Freaking FEBRUARY!
I could be below 200 now.
My best friend growing up moved away 7 years ago. I have seen her twice and spoken to her on the phone less than once a year. Each visit and nearly every phone call has been initiated by me. I found out last year that she has been back to our area several times in the past few years but not once did she call or stop by, not once. I drove 3 hours out of my way to spend and afternoon with her and she could not go 10 minutes out of hers.
I think I need to let that part of me out more.
But mainly I think I need to make some friends. Oh, I know lots of people, but no one stops by for a cup of coffee. No one calls to invite me for a girls night out. No one wants to go walking with me.
I realized all this Sunday as I stood sobbing uncontrollably in the shower... wanting to talk to someone about it... and realized there was no one for me to call.
So. I sabotage myself. In many ways. All of them subconsciously. Or at least they were up til now!
I need to work on myself.
So. Starting right now I am going to work harder at letting the hidden parts of me come out, to acknowledge the hurt and the pain and the STUFF that I have buried deep inside.