Click here for the soundtrack of my life
I let excuses get in my way.
Full culpability here.
I am responsible for my actions, or inactions as it were.
I am why I cannot get below 208 pounds.
I was there last week.
I was there in Freaking FEBRUARY!
I could be below 200 now.
My best friend growing up moved away 7 years ago. I have seen her twice and spoken to her on the phone less than once a year. Each visit and nearly every phone call has been initiated by me. I found out last year that she has been back to our area several times in the past few years but not once did she call or stop by, not once. I drove 3 hours out of my way to spend and afternoon with her and she could not go 10 minutes out of hers.
I think I need to let that part of me out more.
But mainly I think I need to make some friends. Oh, I know lots of people, but no one stops by for a cup of coffee. No one calls to invite me for a girls night out. No one wants to go walking with me.
I realized all this Sunday as I stood sobbing uncontrollably in the shower... wanting to talk to someone about it... and realized there was no one for me to call.
So. I sabotage myself. In many ways. All of them subconsciously. Or at least they were up til now!
I need to work on myself.
So. Starting right now I am going to work harder at letting the hidden parts of me come out, to acknowledge the hurt and the pain and the STUFF that I have buried deep inside.